Isn’t this my fiancé’s wedding, too?” you ask. “Why are all the articles aimed at brides?”
Well, yes, it is fiancé’s wedding too. In fact, you’ll find it fairly difficult to get married without him, and and it definitely is important to make sure that the wedding you envision isn’t totally out of line with what your beloved has in mind.
The only difficult part of that important task is that, in many cases, your beloved has no idea what he has in mind. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that men do not tend to fall into the wedding crowd that has been imagining this event a hundred different ways since they were five years old.
Men more closely resemble those women for whom it takes some time to realize that just saying you’re willing to get married doesn’t actually get the job done. The difference between men and these non-planner women is that when men realize that somebody needs to get on the ball and make this wedding thing happen, men also know that that someone does not have to be them.
Many women find dealing with their beloved’s lack of meaningful input to be one of the most frustrating parts of planning a wedding. If you are one of those rare women whose fiancé loves nothing more than to page endlessly through catalogs of invitation designs and discuss with you the pros and cons of each, then the following advice is not for you.
For the rest of us:
1. Recognize that when you ask your beloved where he wants to have the ceremony, and he says, “You’re the one who cares. Why do I have to decide?” he’s not totally off the mark. In all probability, you do have some set-in-stone rules about where you’d be willing to be wed.
The last thing you want is to ask your beloved where he wants to have the ceremony only to have him enthusiastically exclaim, “How about at the Star Trek: The Experience exhibit in the Las Vegas Hilton!”
His first attempted contribution to your nuptials would then be met with (I’m guessing here) you crying, “What are you, crazy?!” in a tone of horror and disappointment. Such an encounter is unlikely to leave him excited about participating in the future.
2. Provide your beloved with limited options and real decision-making power. For example, identify a few locations where it would be acceptable to you to hold your ceremony. Present those to your beloved as options and then let him choose.
If you say, “Would you rather get married on the beach at sunset or in my parents’ church in Vermont?” your beloved is likely to have and be able to voice an opinion. If he chooses your parents’ church in Vermont, you can’t then spend the next two hours trying to have a debate about why the beach would be better. When he gives his opinion, let it count.
Also, don’t be too annoyed if you give him this kind of limited choice and he responds by saying, “Why did you narrow it down to just two choices without talking to me about it more?” This will be despite the fact that you tried to talk to him about it more, but he told you he had no opinion.
Take a deep breath. You’ve meditated and mentally prepared yourself ahead of time.
Smile and look deeply interested as you say, “Oh, fabulous! You have a different option you want to talk about?”
Then sit back and listen to him mumble about how he could have come up with one if only you’d talked to him earlier. Tell him you can’t wait to hear his ideas. A couple days later ask him again about where he’d like to have the wedding (or whatever the topic is). I can almost guarantee that he’ll voice an opinion about those limited options that you provided him with in the first place.
3. If you determine an area of the wedding about which your beloved truly cares more than you do, let him have sole control of that. This means that if he chooses to demonstrate his leadership of that part of the wedding planning by completely ignoring it until the last minute and then running around like a stressed-out headless chicken, so be it. He does things his way, and you do things your way.
Better get used to it. This is excellent practice for your marriage, where you’re going to have to hear that he’s “about to” fix the broken hinge on the cabinet for months — possibly years –before he actually does it.
(c) All Rights Reserved — Debbie MacGuffie
–Debbie MacGuffie is a professional writer who saved almost $10,000 while planning and executing the wedding ceremony and reception of her dreams. To discover the money-saving secrets that industry insiders would rather you never knew, get free instant access to the facts at Fire Your Wedding Planner [http://www.plan-it-reviews.com]!